It's gonna get real real, real quick.
So, I've recently had some life changes (more on that, maybe, later) but like a lot of women, one of my initial reactions has been to change up my hairstyle. For a long time now, I have been straightening my hair as my chosen coiffeur so I thought, in the spirit of summer realness, I'll finally do what I've been meaning to do for years and try to grow out my hair with my natural curls. More on that, definitely, in a separate post. But there's one huge negative (amongst many other oppressive negatives) in living everyday as a "natural": people come up to me all the time and touch my hair. Yep, it's weird and yep, it's true. And no, it's ZERO PERCENT cool. And here's a couple of reasons why. If you've ever done this/ been tempted to do this, let me be your guide to no longer being a garbage monster:
1. My patience is tested every day. Don't be the straw, man.
As a minority and a liberal, my patience has been tested to its breaking point every single day of my life. That is not an individual experience. I am not saying it is. But I inhabit traditionally white spaces and am openly discriminated against and am the target of micro aggressions all day everyday and, I can tell you, it's all kinds of bullshit. But it's also life, so I get on with it. As does every single minority you see. Every woman (not technically a minority - let's take back the night); every queer person; every racial or religious minority, all of us. If we have any semblance of awareness of our surroundings, we're wound up pretty tight. So do you know what's not a great plan? COMING UP TO THEM AND TOUCHING THEM INAPPROPRIATELY. It should be obvious but, trust me, it's not.
2. I am a human being, there aren't human zoos anymore and even when there were, they weren't petting zoos.
So an important thing to remember, is the people you've been annoying probably won't have been articulating it to you. This is for many reasons the first of which being it frankly isn't worth their time. Black or white, man or woman or whatever you are outside or in between those things, you have to pick your battles. I, myself, didn't even realise I was ignoring this aspect of life until I was on a surfing holiday in Portugal and a (very drunk) fellow Brit came up to me in a club and started getting DEEP into my hair. The man (you get yours, young me) I was talking to was that great combination of things: white and taken-the-fuck-aback. He could NOT believe that I was so calm about it. What did I say? "She's drunk and it happens all the time". Oh, the sad truth of acceptance in the face of every day struggles. I AM ONLY HUMAN Y'ALL.
So something that should go without saying, but I am not a tool for your amusement. As much as this also happens to people of other races with curly hair, it's undeniable that this is something that black and mixed people have to deal with on a daily basis. Curly hair is not weird. Straight hair is not normal. I know you've been force fed the racial narrative that Eurocentric looks are the basis for beauty standards but… they're not. So grow up, recognise the world for its beautiful diversity and stop being such a dick.
3. I have to assume you're the kind of person who goes around touching strangers' hair, which is disgusting.
What fresh hell is this.
This one isn't a big socio-political statement. It's just, as we all learnt in food tech, hair is filthy (not in a fun way, don't get excited). So when someone comes at me with their claws outstretched, I can't help but imagine where else they've been. These are the kind of people who don't watch their hands after they use the toilet... And, put it this way, keep your disgusting bacteria-covered paws away from my mane (#Leo).
4. Nothing I do or wear invites you to invade my personal space. Slippery slope, man.
Welcome to feminist corner, kids. Obviously, touching anyone without there permission is wrong (I say "obviously", but this is apparently a point of great contention with most of the male population of this planet). Touching someone's hair may not seem like a big deal and I'm a big enough person (no fat jokes please) to admit that in isolation, it usually isn't. But firstly, you don't really appreciate the oppressive way these incidents add up if it doesn't happen to you regularly. More importantly though, I think it belies a certain lack of impulse control and respect for other people in you, if you are going up to strangers and touching them without their permission. Like I say, it's a slippery slope and you need to respect people's boundaries and their dominion over their own bodies. The world isn't meant to serve you, everyone is a person and you don't enter people (rapey) without their consent. Consent is key kids. Look, the fact that you would even consider, let alone do it, raises some questions about your personal boundary issues. You should spend more time looking into that and less time (read: no time) touching other people uninvited.
5. I don't like it.
Look, I don't speak for everyone. And as Number 45 likes to point out, we are all individual little snowflakes. I'm sure there are people out there who like it when randoms touch them. Hey, whatever floats your boat. But the thing is, and please read point 4 for more on this, I don't like it. So I shouldn't have to deal with it. And that's enough. It's like when your best friend (whose boyfriend you hate because who doesn't hate their best friend's boyfriend, stupid time-sucking man demon) comes up to you and says "oh, I'd break up with him but I don't have a reason"... EXCUSE ME WHAT? A reason for not dating someone is not wanting to and a reason people shouldn't freaking touch me as I walk down the street is because I don't want to be touched. No further explanation, no further reasoning, that's it. If you disagree then sod off. I don't want to hear it.