I self-identify as a #bitterbitch, so it can be difficult for me to navigate a world that needs a certain level of self-assurance and positivity to continue in.
To put this into context, I have always been a "negative" (pessimistic) person, which is completely fine when you're a child or a teen with nothing to really worry about apart from getting good grades (NERD ALERT) and deciding which film to see at the cinema on the weekend (oh, the naughties, such innocent times), but isn't so great as a self-propelling adult with a lot to get done.
Yes, my Queen.
I've been thinking a lot recently about ways to balance my continued, incessant negative thinking (aka my personality) with fighting hard to get the life that I want. It's a tough balance to strike and one that I'm not sure (am pretty 100% I haven't) mastered.
Constant disappointment takes it toll...
This isn't talking about actual proper mental health problems, for those - GET TO THE DOCTOR. In England, we get counselling (or sweet, sweet drugs) on the NHS so (for as long as we still have it) please don't be too shy to ask your GP and if you're unlucky and they don't take you seriously (not all doctors are great), go to another one. It's hard. But not getting the help you need is harder.
THAT SAID, what I'm talking about here is the personality trait that I and a lot of people (especially in England) share: negativity. Assuming things will go wrong; interpreting otherwise innocent comments as attacks; finding it hard to trust people - all these things can have real detrimental effects on your success and wellbeing. None of this to say it's always in your head (a lot of the time, when I've tried to ignore my feminine waters (gut instincts) I turned out to be right all along). But if you are constantly looking for the bad in every situation, you will find it.
There are a huge number of lists, suggestions and articles on the internet (buzzfeed) telling us how positivity breeds success and the many ways in which we should work on ourselves and fight dirty, shameful things like anxiety and depression. But I think it just comes down to this: do what works for you. The world went and changed on us and - let's face it - a negative mindset isn't exactly illogical. But, the question to ask yourself is all this "speaking the truth" and "being right" helping you? I am 100% guilty of this, don't get me wrong, but you really have to counteract the darkness. Find something you enjoy and enjoy it. Does Twilight Sparkle make your heart sing? Be a Brony! Super nerd with a sick mind? Well Wubbalubbadubdub to you, sir!
You just need to find one thing. Just one. The rest will follow. When I was cripplingly miserable a couple of jobs ago, I decided to take singing lessons - that made my (previously crushed) creative spirit wake up and a drawing class soon followed. For me, it was like I had woken up from a not-so-great dream and was able to take a step back and remember who I was/am as a person.
She's just kidding; I'm great.
All this stream-of-consciousness narrative to say: your feelings are valid. Your mental health matters. You are not being irrational (all the time). But please just at least try to make yourself happy.